From The Funks Grove Junior College Tribune, Nebraska
Loud-Mouth Troublemakers Claim That The Castro Regime Has Doubled the Number of Political Prisioners in the Past Ten Months
by Durwood Schnitzelbauer, Jr.
Shocking news, right? Naah…. Don’t believe a word of it. Cuba is a country in transition, undergoing all sorts of reforms.
Yes, reforms. Pick up any newspaper, or magazine, or take a look at any news outlet on the web.
Why, they just changed the rules on travel abroad, and there are now about ten million Cubans ready to jump on planes and fly everywhere and see the world. And they are going to be awesome tourists, wherever they go. They’re going to teach the world how to dance. And they’re going to bring their cigars everywhere.
I heard my father talking about this the other day, when, as usual, my mom had locked herself in the bathroom to escape from his constant harping about news from south of the border. Just because he sold tons of genetically-engineered corn to Cuba — and made a killing, since they paid him cash — he thinks he has become Funks Grove’s expert on all things Latin American.
So, even though I have the same name as my dad, please note that mine has a “Jr.” after it, and that no one should confuse me with him.
The gospel truth is that Raul Castro is granting Cubans more freedom than they have ever, ever had. I know because my Latin American Studies professor lectured on this issue last week. And he travels to Cuba all the time. And he has published two articles in scholarly journals that are so specialized that not a single college library here in Nebraska has them. The nearest place you can get your hands on them is the University of Wisconsin, in Madison.
So, what’s up with this dire headline about more arrests?
This claim comes from The Cuban Commission for Human Rights and National Reconciliation (Comisión Cubana de Derechos Humanos y Reconciliación Nacional — or Ccdhrn). And their claims have been published in the Spanish newspaper ABC, which, as that guy who looks like Saddam Hussein down in Caracas pointed out two days ago, is nothing more than a fascist rag and a relic from the Franco era.
And… if that’s not enough to convince you to go down there and get a huge bang for your buck — and pick up some colossal bragging rights — take into account that news of this sort can only be found here in the USA in “irrelevant” blogs written by knuckle-dragging, bitter exiles who have no class and lack a proper education. Yeah. When is the last time you ran across such information in any legitimate news outlet? Yeah, I read this post on the web written by another Cuban, a well-educated one with a Jewish name, like Lopez-Levy or Gonzalez-Greenberg, or Gomez-Lipschitz, or something like that. Man, you should have seen the suit this guy put on for the photo. I didn’t know that Latinos could afford such duds. But, I’ll tell you: it was that suit that made me believe every word he said.
So, don’t pay attention to these malcontents who claim to have been thrown in prison, or from those who spread their lies. Go book a trip to sunny, funky Cuba and write your representatives in congress to lift the blockade and open up Cuba for American tourists. Why should Canadians have all the fun?
Yeah. So what if there were really only 45 political prisoners in March 2012 and the number has now increased to 90? And what if they are incarcerating Cubans on charges, such as “suspicion of possibly committing a crime,” or “disrespecting authority.” And so what if there have also been thousands of short-term arrests?
We have five brave Cubans in prison here, right in the USA, and they did nothing wrong at all. In fact, they were protecting their people from malcontent terrorists from Miami. And all the charges against them are made up. Hell, the USA is worse than any other country on earth when it comes to imprisoning innocent people.
Party on. Salsa time. The people down there are so fascinating, almost as interesting as their old cars. And they’re always happy, no matter what. So, the ones who get thrown in prison must have deserved it. Those troublemakers probably can’t dance well or play baseball, like all other Cubans, and are probably just sore as hell.
Entire story HERE, in Spanish — that annoying language spoken down there and in all points south of there, with all those “rrrrrrr’s” and all those silent “h’s”.. Now, I ask you, what good is any language that uses letters that have no sound?
And, when you have a chance, drop me an email and let me know if you like my new photo, and my cool public service message.