Valentine from the Vomitorium: Bohemian Rhapsody for Fidel Down in Kiwi Land

Cuba_Street_Wellington

Rainbows and roses and whiskers on tyrants,

bright copper bullets and millions of migrants,

brown angry dissidents tied up with strings,

these are a few of my favorite things..

Way to go, Kiwis…. Celebrate the lovely bohemian ambience of the Castro Kingdom.  Yeah, man.  Cool.

You’ve even transformed Fidel  into the guy from those Zig-Zag wrappers so beloved by potheads (or vice-versa?).  Man, oh man.  You are all so cool, down there.  Your coolness is so awesome: it must have rubbed off from the Hobbits.

One suggestion: for the sake of symmetry, please rename one street Third Reich Road , fill its chic shops with Nazi paraphernalia, and ensure that someone opens a Hitler cafe.  And while you’re at it, see if you can get some bohemian business people to open a Cambodia Court with a Pol Pot Killing Fields pub.

And the Nobel Prize in Nauseating Insensitivity goes to……  Wellington, New Zealand.

cuba st 3

Fidel Castro watches Wellington’s Cuba St

February 14, 2013, 3:32 pm Jennifer Ennion, AAP Travel Writer AAP

Fidel Castro appears to be an unofficial icon for Wellington locals who spend their days on Cuba Street.

His eyes stare down from posters as you dine in the hip cafes and peruse the vintage stores.

A visit to Wellington, on New Zealand’s north island, should always include a stroll down Cuba Street. It’s where tourists can update their wardrobes with treasures of the past or treasures that look to be of the past but are in fact of today.

A store that goes by the name Madame Fancy Pants will send women weak at the knees with its delightful trinkets, jewellery and dress collection.

It opened its doors in April 2007 and owner and designer Claire Terry is keen to chat.

Wearing cat’s eye glasses and stockings with sneakers, Terry says Cuba Street was her mum’s haunt.

“It was her kind of place; she was like a bohemian arty music type and I think the street just resonates with me as a person,” Terry says from behind the store counter.

“It is full of interesting individuals and I think all the shops are generally run or owned by the designer, by the person in the shop.”…

… As in the bars and restaurants of Cuba, music plays a large part in creating the vibe along Cuba Street.

Manu Chao, a Parisian musician of Spanish descent, entertains diners from hidden speakers in Fidel’s Cafe, his beats skipping between the chatter of crockery and cutlery.

When you enter, Fidel’s cigar-smoking mug greets you from a mosaic under foot, while inside, the red and blue Cuban flag hangs above the cash register next to an image of revolutionary fighters.

cuba st 2

It’s here you can taste the Caribbean, with the cafe serving smooth Cuban coffee roasted nearby at Havana Coffee Works.

Entire nauseating travel report HERE.

15 thoughts on “Valentine from the Vomitorium: Bohemian Rhapsody for Fidel Down in Kiwi Land

  1. But they’re not retarded, though hardly bright. They’re simply shallow, ignorant, lightweight “bohemians” who treat Cuba as an exotic, “edgy” place with colorful, quaint, outsized “characters.” In other words, the Cuban tragedy as an amusing escapist flick. As for the Fidel logo, it looks more like Czar Alexander III. Cretins.

  2. A modest proposal: once Cuba is free, it should adopt the strict isolation of Edo-period Japan. Practically the whole world has failed or screwed Cuba, so we should simply say “Fuck off!” to everybody and focus on ourselves. Heaven knows we have PLENTY of domestic issues to adress, which will require all our time and attention.

  3. I wasn’t quite serious, George, but it’s still a nice thought. We don’t owe the world shit, and it’s never going to pay what it owes us.

  4. Oh, I’m NOT letting Cubans off the hook, trust me, but we’re owed, alright–at least copious and soul-wrenching apologies. You can start by looking at our bitch of a “mother” and bastards for “brothers.”

  5. And George, if you don’t think we’re owed, at a minimum, excruciatingly contrite apologies from the likes of the Kennedys, the Russians, the NYT, the Vatican, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, the Congressional Black Caucus, the UN, Canadian tourists, the Hollywood Cretin Corps and an absolutely HUGE etcetera the world over, you can forget being the gadfly, because I’m officially dubbing you St. George of Assisi (your other option is being the blog’s holy fool).

  6. Sigh. I know that all of those parties are culpable — extremely culpable — but in the end, outside of a few of us here and there, nobody speaks or has spoken for Cuba. We have done it to ourselves. “The Kennedys, the Russians, the NYT, the Vatican, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, the Congressional Black Caucus, the UN, Canadian tourists, the Hollywood Cretin Corps and an absolutely HUGE etcetera the world over” notwithstanding.

    (P.S., you forgot to mention the Cuban kapos who gleefully throw the Cuban people under the bus and kiss the regime’s ass every chance they get.)

  7. I didn’t forget, but I include them in the in-house or domestic group–in other words, dirty family business. Make that filthy.

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