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Castro Brothers Meet Tragic End

Fidel Castro, Raul Castro

From Reuters and L'Osservatore Romano:

Fidel and Raul Castro Dead; Pope Involved

The lives of brothers Fidel and Raul Castro ended tragically late at night on Easter Sunday as a result of a heated argument between the two long-time rulers of Cuba.

Although the Cuban government has yet to announce these deaths, a Vatican spokesman, Monsignor Enzo Strappalatto, revealed that the incident occurred around midnight, Havana time (6 am in Rome).

Monsignor Strappalatto would only provide the press with a brief summary of events: “Fidel Castro shot his brother Raul and then turned the gun on himself after a heated argument. All of this occurred while His Holiness Pope Francis I was administering the Sacrament of Penance to the former Cuban President via Skype.”

Independent sources in Havana have confirmed the deaths and provided a few more details.

Apparently – according to sources who wish to remain nameless – Raul Castro became incensed when he tapped into the Skype session and heard his brother say that the Revolution was an abject failure, that he repented of all of the crimes he had committed against the Cuban people, and that he wanted the Pope to oversee a free election in Cuba and a transition to democracy and benevolent capitalism.

The President immediately rushed over to the former President’s house, barged into the room and began arguing with his older brother and the Pope. When Raul reached for a pistol and threatened to shoot his older brother, Fidel pulled out a handgun of his own and fired five shots at Raul, killing him instantly. Fidel then turned the gun on himself, and, despite the Pope’s pleas, blew his brains out with a single shot to the temple.

Remarkably, both brothers uttered the same last words: “hijo de puta”

At the Vatican, Monsignor Strappalatto was quick to point out that even if he had received absolution, Fidel Castro nullified his general confession by murdering his brother and taking his own life.

3 comments to Castro Brothers Meet Tragic End

  • ranavy33

    Good one. If only it were true!

  • maristas60

    The real April fools day joke is Mariela Castro's friend YS at Freedom Tower

  • Gallardo

    For Cuba their aberrational revolution has meant the destruction of a republic but for them, parasites, pimps, thieves, mass murderers, frauds, and all out pieces of human trash the revolution has been more than a success - they are still in power and that's all these useless egomaniacs ever cared about.

    These people could not care any less about how they have betrayed, agonized, and ruined Cuba.