Mass production of cocaine: the cure for the world’s ills according to Evo Morales
Yep, you've got that right.
Crank out that cocaine with the aid of state-run slave labor factories and pretty soon no one will be unhappy, anywhere -- not even the slaves in the factories.
Blaise Pascal hinted at this redemptive plan back in the 17th century when he said that all of the world's problems stemmed from the fact that no human being can ever sit still in a room indefinitely.
Well, give everyone cocaine and no one will sit still, for sure. Even the old geezers will be flying off their rockers, and no one will be unhappy, even when they overdose.
According to a propaganda rag published in Havana, Bolivia and Castrogonia are planning to "industrialize" the Coca Leaf as a means of solving all of the world's problems.
The Dictator of Bolivia, Evo Morales, stated today his Coca-rich country is working in coordination with Castrogonia to industrialize the Coca leaf. Of course, it's all for "medicinal" use.
"We have done a lot with the Cuban brothers in the subject of the industrialization of the coca leaf specially as a medication," said Evo. "That work has been done quietly, for a long time now, but there has been a step forward", stated Sean Penn's good friend at a press conference. Whether or not that "quiet" work refers to the illegal cocaine trade was left unclear.
According to the great Bolivian hero and eminent sage Evo, his scientists have assured him that the Coca leaf packs more calcium than milk and eggs, more protein than any meat, and that it is brimming over with vitamins A and C, iron,and fiber. Best of all, it is also high in calories, making it the perfect fuel for slave laborers: cheap to grow, easy to turn into pills and suppositories, and the perfect substitute for food.
Evo's top scientists -- undoubtedly on loan from Castrogonia, and tutored by the great Nobel-worthy scientist Fidel Castro -- claim that cocaine is ideal for people with arthritis, arthrosis, and osteoporosis, and that it also detoxifies and strengthens the digestive system. And that's not all: It also eliminates triglycerides, cholesterol and fats, along with hemorrhoids, and reconstructs intestinal flora, combats colitis and other digestive ills. To top it off, it also does wonders for diabetics.
Industrially-produced cocaine could soon be distributed world-wide in powder and pill form, and as an ingredient in all beverages and processed foods, as well as in chewing gum, candies, baby formula, sun tan lotions, and cosmetics. The sun tan lotion market in Europe, Australia, and North America is among the most promising due to the high incidence of skin cancer among the pale-skinned.
Mass production of crack pipes in state-run factories by cocaine-fueled slave laborers promises to turn Bolivia and Castrogonia into industrial giants too, as an added bonus.
If you'd like to check out this story in the Castronoid propaganda rag in which it appeared today, just google "Coca Cuba Bolivia."