Off the shelf.

Imagine a big room somewhere in a warehouse. It is lined with shelves, something like in a library but wih no books. The room has one entrance door and one exit door on the opposite side. In between these doors are two long tables, one on your right and one on your left.

Over the table on one side there’s a big sign that says “Allegations, Innuendo and Assumptions”, on the other it states “Argument and Rhetoric.” On each table there a sections marked alphabetically, with a person manning each section.

This is the Leftist Liberal Warehouse.

It is where leftist liberals are armed before heading out to battle. This is where the supplies for debate at doled out.

For example, let’s say a liberal warrior is off to battle in the arena of Cuba. He steps up to the Argument and Rhetoric table in the “C” section and says “Cuba.” The deft person handling the C section goes back to the shelves and after a few minutes returns with a stack of pamphlets:

– Socialized Healthcare
– Universal education and 100% literacy rate.
– The evil embargo and why it has not worked in forty years.
– Cuba as a US brothel.
– How Batista was eviler that Castro.
– Travel restrictions: Bush is a Fascist.

There are also standard pamphlets that everyone gets despite which category they will be battling in:

– Iraq and WMD: QUAGMIRE!
– The Patriot Act: Bush is a Fascist II.
– Republicans are Racists.
– The ABC’s of Moral Relativism.

“Before you leave,” the person manning the section says. “Drop by the AIA table for other armament that may prove useful.” A quick stop at the C section of that table may give them the following:

– The Neocon Miami Mafia.
– Che is Cool.
– Invective – A Primer
– History Through Myopia
– Uselful words of Debasement – How to insult your opponent with a straight face.

Armed with this fountain of misinformation, the liberal then proceeds to the exit where they are handed a set of earplugs and one final pamphlet: Ignoring Common Sense, Morality and Hard Facts.

From there it is off to the fray. They are undeterred despite the many before them that rushed to the battleground of ideas only to be taken down by the relentlessness of data. Like sheep in wolves clothing they stand fast by their freshly acquired ideological bravery. They are prepared to fight until the end. The injuries from the reality in their opponents words, however painful to their psyche, are ignored and left to bleed. No tourniquets are needed, you see. This is a battle to the end!

While they battle furiously, while they withstand the blows of history and wounds from common sense, while they fight blindly forward to the depths of their own oblivion, they remember their tenet. They remember seeing it in large red letters just above the exit door of their Leftist Liberal Warehouse:


2 thoughts on “Off the shelf.”

  1. Wow Val, Where is this place. I would love to visit soak up some pure liberalism, right from the source.
    Is it expensive? Is there a membership, do they let anyone in or do you have to swear your allegiance to the god’s of the liberal left before they let you in.
    And by the way, how did you sneak in there?
    One miner thing you made one obvious mistake, the left would never use the term “eviler” you must have gotten you wires crossed.


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