Fifth in a series with bonus definition.
In Miami, essential to the operation of a motor vehicle are the use of the cellphone, the application of cosmetics, the morning’s Sports Pages, the imbibement of caffeine or the consumption multiple breakfast burritos.
Main Entry: DAMTs (dumb-ass multi-taskers)
Dumb-ass multi-taskers (scientific name: multitaskus imbecilicus or dimwiticus periculosus) can be seen early in the morning on the streets and highways of Miami. The female specimens of this subgenus have been observed applying make-up while simultaneously talking on the cell phone — all the time attempting to keep their vehicle — a 3,000 pound ground-to-ground missle — within their own lane. They’ve also been observed attempting to control the vehicle while reading a book and again, talking to another DAMT on the cell phone. There have been sightings of the male gender of this subgenus using electric razors while attempting to drive, and eating a breakfast sandwich in one hand, controlling the automobile with the other, while trying to score a sip of coffee from a cardboard cup whose temperature is fifteen degrees below the boiling point of water.
Keep your distance from these creatures; they are aggressive and suicidal behind the wheel. Is it any wonder they don?t make 12 volt hair-dryers…
(H/T Jorge Blanco who wrote most of the definition.)