Miami, See It Like a Native

On my way home from work just now i decided to swing by a drive through ATM as I had no cash on me at all. I pull into a local bank and drive up behind the BMW SUV that’s at the ATM ahead of me and wait for my turn. A minute or so passes and I realize I havent seen the person driving the SUV in front of me stick out their arm and tend to the ATM machine.

But this particular ATM is a bit slow sometimes so I pay no mind to it.

Another minute or so passes and I see the person – a woman – stick her arm out the window and punch in a few numbers onto the keypad. Now, this tells me one thing for sure: she wasnt paying attention and despite being stopped at the ATM for at least 3 minutes, had not even started her transaction.

Anyone that’s ever been in a car with me driving knows I can get pretty impatient, especially if Im on the way home after a long day’s work. So I say to myself “Geez. For crying out loud” knowing that Id have to wait a few more minutes before Im back on my way home.

After another two or three minutes, the woman finally gets her cash and card back. I wait thinking she’s about to take off. But after another minute or so, she still hasnt left so I give her that little soft heads up honk with the old car horn.

She looks at me through her rearview, does some little sorry thing with a hand gesture, puts her car in drive and moves on.

I go up to the teller, insert card, punch in pin, no to receipt, no to account balance, yes to Ill accept the fee, quick cash from checking, get my card back, get my money and Im outta there. In less than one minute.

I stick the car in gear and start to take off when I realize the SUV woman in front of me is stopped at the exit and I cant get out. So I wait again. Sometimes the traffic is bad there and you have to wait a bit.

Three minutes minutes later Im still there so I give her the polite heads up honk again. I get ignored so I honk again.

The woman still refuses to move after a couple honks so I let loose on the old car horn and barrage her with a WTF series of blaring honks. MOVE. YOUR. ASS.

She then rolls down the window, sticks her head out and screams: “CANT YOU SEE IM ON THE PHONE?”

I kid you not folks. Now there is a prime candidate for the Burnett School of Urban Etiquette if ever I saw one.

10 thoughts on “Miami, See It Like a Native”

  1. Val, you should always take a digital camera like I do with me. When you run into yenta like you’ve described, simply take a digital image (no expectation of privacy out in public), and let the world know that this person is an idiot.

    Also, you think Miami’s bad? Try Pembroke Pines with the old farts or Hollywood in Winter with the French Canadians….

  2. Oh man, I just got home myself and read this and had the laugh I’ve been in need of all day! This is classic, classic stuff!!!! Thanks, Val!

  3. The nerve of you to interrupt that lady’s phone call!

    I don’t know what we’d do if those idiots weren’t around to give the rest of us a bad name…

  4. Coincidentally, I saw a bumper sticker today in Philadelphia

    that described cell phone use in cars as…..


  5. Maybe ….. no, probably, it’s a chick from New Mexico trying to reach the Herald; you should’ve been more patient with her ~ do you know how long and how HARD it is to get an answer from ’em?

  6. Some techie out there needs to invent a device that will lock into a cell phone’s frequency and send a shrill, extremely loud sound through the offender’s cell phone, so that they’ll drop it as they wince and scream in pain.

    Failing that, get one of those marine air-horns-in-a-can, blast away – get close enough so they can’t hear anything but the horn and can’t talk on the blasted (pun intended)cell phone.

    The most radical solution, unfortunately not legal as of this writing, is an RPG. Keep a safe distance between user and target before firing. Check Federal, State and local use laws and guidelines for prohibitions and restrictions before use. Obey all applicable laws and regulations. For professional use only. Do not try at home or in residential areas. Consult a qualified attorney before attempting this procedure. Obey and abide by all environmental regulations regarding device use and disposal of cremains after use.

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