In August I get up at night…

…and dress by yellow candlelight.

So, um, looks like we’re gonna be getting slammed tomorrow by Hurricane Ernesto, doesnt it? That means that today, after work, I will have to start busting my ass.

We pretty much have our standard hurricane crap all ready: batteries, flashlights, candles, canned goods, plenty of water, coolers ready, the whole nine yards. But today I have to board up at least two or three windows. Ordinarily I’d board them all up, but it looks like Ernesto may be a little asthmatic and not pack that much of a punch. The only reason Im boarding up at least one or two rooms is for the Mrs. Just to help keep her nice and calm.

ManCamp basically has to be battenned down. I have to put away all the grilles, take the Fema tent down, store all the tables and chairs, etc… One never really realizes how much crap they have in their yards until they have to pack’em all up because you have a hurricane coming. Freaken pain in the ass.

Local news is all hurricane, all the time. Video from people buying their hurricane provisions at stores, videos from gas stations, videos of people putting up shutters, the standard shots of a desolate Key West, every single hurricane its the same freaken thing all over again. Ad nauseaum, ad infinitum.

What drives me absolutely bat shit is the fact that they keep telling you, over and over and over agian, everything you need to have to be prepared, everything you need to do, etc…For crying out loud: If you didnt learn from last year’s hurricane season, you’re an idiot and you deserve for Ernesto to pick you up and toss your ass out into the Atlantic.

There is, however, one piece of advice that the news wont give you and its something that could mean the difference between life or death and someting which I will share with you all, dear readers: make sure you do lots and lots of laundry today while you still have power. Specifically, wash all of your underwears.

Because you may lose power for an indeterminate number of days and since you’ll probably be busting your hump in the August heat cutting trees and stumps and picking up debris and roof shingles and picking up your neighbors screen enclosure from your pool, you’re probably going to go through your Fruit of the Looms rather quickly. And that means that after a few days you’ll have to resort to those underwears way in the back of your underwear drawer. The ones you never use because youve probably gained a bit too much weight and they are, how shall I say, rather restraining. Yes, that’s right folks, you’ll have to resort to the tighty whities. The ones that hurt.

Trust me on this folks. Wash your underwears right now. Because I can tell you it aint no fun to be working around the yard in a pair of underwears three sizes too small.

8 thoughts on “In August I get up at night…”

  1. c’mon as we cubans do in the island when the “storm”..any storm comes..get your bottle of rum..and “enjoy it”..with “good company”..and everything is gonna be alright…!!!!!!!

  2. Did you remember to get a gas syphon? I bought one just in case after everyone had problems getting gas last year. Also bought a cheap one room window air-conditioner for the bed room. I’m ready, but it looks like you will be getting “it” on your side of the state.

  3. Well, I don’t see anything wrong with them going over how to prepare because there are new people moving here all the time. Last year I listened attentively to everything they said to do and I was totally ready…didn’t need to stand in line for ice or water or food because I listened. However, one thing they kept saying to do but never explained WHY was to fill the bath tub with water. I didn’t learn the WHY until AFTER hurricane Wilma what that was for.

    So while we may know what to do now, remember the new people don’t necessarily always know…despite seeing Katrina on t.v.

  4. You are so right. After Charlie here in 2004, we lost power for a solid week. It is amazing how fast everything rots in 90 degree heat and humidity. I swore I would have all laundry done well before another hurricane (not that I don’t keep up well on it, at all other times!)- but I mean NOTHING, not one thing in the basket. Also, don’t forget to run your garbage disposal every time any little thing goes down it, because that is another olfactory delight waiting for you, if you lose power.

Comments are closed.