Happy Happy, Joy Joy!

I figured that since a certain someone took umbrage with the fact that I posted an entry where – the nerve! – I voiced certain frustrations here on my own blog that I began, run and maintain, I would heed this person’s advice and post a happy happy joy joy entry. So here it is in all it’s happy happy joy joy splendor.

I just got off the phone with someone that called me randomnly and gave me a free one month vacation around the world, all expenses paid. He spoke to my boss and my boss said he was totally cool with it and not only did he say it was cool to take a month off, but he said he’d pay for a second month of vacationing for me and the Mrs. Plus, as an added bonus, Im getting a raise. My salary is now doubled and I only have to work half the hours.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

As Im walking to my truck today when leaving the office I know for sure Im going to find tomorrow’s winning Lotto ticket right there next to my car. And, not only that, it will be the super double secret mega Lotto ticket by which the winnings will be quadrupled, tax free, and in instant cash. Plus, a handsome faux leather wallet to keep said cash in!

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

My little 92 Isuzu pick up truck will, upon my turning the ignition, transform itself into a super colossal Italian Sports Car SUV pick up truck that runs on oxygen, has no exhaust and is self cleaning and will never require a trip to the mechanic. It drives itself, and comes complete with an anti-traffic hover system and also transforms into a 58 foot luxury yacht complete with all fishing accutrements with the flip of a switch. Plus, it has a fancy copper expresso and capuccino maker built in, self frothing, with real sugar that wont hurt my teeth.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Ill be home almost in an instant, where Ill find that not only has my Wilma damaged roof been repaired, but that the house has been quadrupled in size with an added theater, wine cellar, 4 lane bowling alley, 18 bathrooms – all marble – a full service and staffed kitchen, three dining rooms, smart house system, balcony overlooking the ocean with my own private beach with attendants and one swimming pool filled with beer – Pilsner Urquell – and another a transported Ponce de Leon Fountain of Youth – Yes! they finally found it! All of my family and friends will be there celebrating my arrival with four lechones being roasted, a guy making a huge Paella and tons of other delicious cuban fare with music music and more music.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

As Im out there celebrating with family and friends, one of the new dozen or so exterior flat 80″ IMAX HDTVs will report the news that all of the world’s leaders have realized the error of their ways and the world is now completely at peace, all weapons have been turned into Silly Putty and all criminals have turned themselves in and repented. There is peace in the wolrd and it is now completely crime free.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

fidel castro, the news reports state, has seen the errors of his ways and after apologizing in a 5 minute speech, chosen to exile himself to a small efficiency that used to be a utility closet in a home in Hialeah, where he will spend his days begging God for forgiveness and praying the rosary. The rest of the Cuban government contingent have also repented and have taken jobs at Radio and TV Marti where they will spend the rest of their days reading the Cuban Constitution of 1940. Not one of them will work for The Miami Herald or El Nuevo Herald, however.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

The people of Cuba, now free, have been relegated by the rest of the world to take charge of the planet because of all they have had to endure while the world stood by sheepishly. Their first order of business will be to start a huge worldwide conga line, where everyone – even the white folks – knows how to dance and dont even break a sweat as the new earth leaders installed air conditioning – ozone safe! – around the entire planet, thus effectively eliminating Global Warming and, thankfully, causing Al Gore to finally – Finally! – shut the hell up. All conga dancers will have beautiful colorful costumes that were sewn by the ex-government officials and leaders of China and North Korea.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

World hunger will be but a bad memory and there will be mojitos and guarapos and pastelitos and croquetas and medianoches for everyone. No more eating rice, unless, of course, its arroz con pollo. A la chorrera. There will be comida criolla for all!

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

The conga music will be so loud that we will be heard across hundreds of galaxies, where one more advanced civilization will be so enamored with the music that they will travel to Earth and join the conga line after they have provided the human race with huge technological advaces where we happy happy joyous joyous humans can travel to the limits of the Universe spreading good cheer, cortaditos and continue the conga line.

Oh, Happy Happy Joy Joy!


Seriously folks, there may be some frustration sometimes and there may be anger sometimes, but I, for one, love my life and appreciate every moment I am afforded on God’s earth. I truly hope you all do to.

Have a great weekend, and please, leave some beer in the pool for me.

8 thoughts on “Happy Happy, Joy Joy!”

  1. Rubber Nipples Salesman. Or as Ren said it, “Rubber neeeples.”

    Wow, Val. This post was almost good enough to print in Granma. :p

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