fidel castro Is Dead? (Updated)

Been getting quite a bit of traffic via searches with “castro death” and “is castro dead” and “castro death rumors” the past couple of days so I thought I’d go ahead and clear that whole mess up right now.

Barring any unforeseen actions such as, say, breathing, for all intents and purposes, fidel castro is dead. And, should the case be that he is, in fact, still breathing, chances are that it’s only a “little” breathing or a clever rendition of the act of breathing and not real breathing in the real breathing scientific term of real breathing. There have been, however, unconfirmed reports of fidel castro actually breathing, but all have come with the caveat “he is breathing, but he’s certainly not inhaling.”

Thus, since fidel castro is not inhaling we can only come to two conclusions: he is either dead or he is, in fact, Bill Clinton. That latter notion is under investigation as not only are “both” men known for not inhaling, but for a particular fondness for long Cuban cigars, which are not necessarily meant for inhaling.

In summary, the rumors of fidel castro’s actual demise may be premature at this moment, but reports of his lack of inhalation have some skeptics convinced that he is in fact, technically not breathing in a respiratory sense, which leads this writer to conclude that yes, fidel castro is in fact, at least, respiratorily dead.

There are, however, rumors abounding that ADIDAS is secretly redesigning the Bionic Track Suit to not only control motor reactor functions to certain appendages, but to also simulate breathing with an added plus of inhalation where Oxygen (O2) is taken in and carbon-dioxide (CO2) is exhaled, thus aiding the photosynthetic process of genetically altered tobacco plants (Cuban seed, of course) which will be planted along the hems of the garment. There is no word as yet as to how ADIDAS plans to handle the Bionic Track Suit Tobacco harvesting and cigar rolling.

Batteries, however, will be included.

UPDATE: Just a few words of caution to all those visiting us anticipating news of the Cuban dictator’s demise: Dont bust out the champagne until it’s made official. Even if castro swims with the fishes as we speak, until there’s an official Cuban Government announcement we will not know with absolute certainty. This doesnt mean, though, that you cant start celebrating right now.

UPDATE II: While we all wait for official confirmation – which will only come when the Cuban government is good and ready – please take a minute or two to find out more about Cuba and the Independent Journalists incarcerated therein:

Blog for Cuba – Photos for Freedom
Uncommon Sense
The Real Cuba – castro’s Gulag
Free Thoughts
Free Biscet
El Cafe Cubano – The Oppression Video

There’s also much more at Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch and Reporters Without Borders.

13 thoughts on “fidel castro Is Dead? (<i>Updated</i>)”

  1. I have spoken to clients who are Miami police officers. They have been recalled to duty tonight (moments ago) because Spanish Radio has reported Castro has died. While no one can confirm that this is true, nor that the response from the community will be. Heads up.

  2. It is wise to be cautious. But, this time there seems to be a louder buzz, from quite a few different quarters. . . .

  3. Gator,

    Remember, its rush hour in Miami right now. Lost of people out on the street at the moment and Im sure this news, bing released at this time, would lead to some major problems. Details, as the saying goes, at eleven.

  4. Excellent news!! My husband and I went to Cuba for our honeymoon–what an experience!! People wanted to talk about their misery and persecution under his regime.

    I guess the guy is not going to live to 135 as predicted!

  5. We’ll know he’s dead, when we see authorities mobilizing security officers in Havana around embassies, and other important places. There’s no doubt there will be an outpouring of emotions on the streets of Cuba–and until that can be controlled, the news won’t be released in Cuba.

  6. You know what? I just realized that I own Adidas sneakers. Given Adidas’ contributions to the Cuban national baseball team, I think I’m going to stop buying Adidas stuff from now on.

    Maybe YOU should, too?

    Also… if Adidas is selling sports equipment to the Cuban govt, how are they not in violation of Helms-Burton?

  7. Yeah, but is there something more/different to the rumors this time (his recent illness and surgery aside)? I’ve tried searching the web but I just get the stuff from this Summer. IIRC, it was a false news report in Venezuela that spawned that round of rumors. What’s the origin this time? Someone mentioned Spanish news. Any links?

  8. Val,
    Prepara el ManCamp para cuando El Verdugo large el piojo. Llegaremos a Miami el viernes, y esperamos poder participar en la celebracion.

  9. I heard yesterday through a good friend that a newspaper in England had written that castro had died on December 3rd. According to the newspaper, their source works in the diplomatic corps in Habana and is very trustworthy. I HAVE NOT been able to corroborate this. I did hear Raquel Regalado on her radio program this morning, state that “rumors about castro’s death are coming from Europe.”

    Also, Oscar Haza on his program “A Mano Limpia” tonight made mention that the U.S. is on alert preparing for an influx of Cubans trying to get to the U.S. Perhaps someone from the Coast Guard can verify.

    It seems that Bishop Antonio Maria Claret’s prophesy will be proven right after all.

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