Reader Daniel sent this in, and even though Ive read it before, I still get a great laugh every time I see it:
To: All Cuban Employees:
Several visitors to our office have brought to our attention that our Spanish-speaking employees commonly use offensive language. Such behavior,in addition to violating firm practices, is highly unprofessional,offensive both to visitors and employees, and will not be tolerated. Therefore, we have decided to implement a series of rules in our office and would expect them to be applied. It is expected that ALL employees immediately adhere to these rules:
1- Words like coño, carajo and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.
2- Non important matters should not be addressed to as pendejadas.
3- You will not say la cagó when someone makes a mistake, or se cagó en su madre if you see someone being reprimended. All forms and derivatives of the word cagar are inappropriate in our environment.
4- Lack of determination will not be referred to as falta de cojones or mariconerias, nor will a person with lack of initiative be referred to as pendejo, mamao or comemierda.
5- No Manager or Supervisor, under any circumstances, will be referred to as hijo de puta, ese cabron, or ese maricon.
6- When a good proposal is presented, the term esto esta de pinga or esto esta empigao must not be used.
7- Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to as pajas mentales.
8- Do not say como jode if a person is persistent, or se jodio if somebody is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say que jodienda, or esto esta del coño when matters become complicated in your line of work.
9- When asking someone to leave you alone, you should not say vete pa’l carajo, nor will you substitute que carajo quieres? for “may I help you?”.
10- When leaving the office, using the term me voy pa’l carajo is not proper.
11- When any office equipment fails, it must be reported as “it broke down”, not se descojono, or se jodio la mierda esta.
12- Last but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say me voy a limpiar el culo con esto. Just keep it clean and file properly.
Thank you for your cooperation.