Taking a leak and Fulbright Fellowships

It just goes to prove that if one wants to win a “prestigious” award from some entity of the “intelligentsia” one need only be a greyscale writer that shits on his or her own, with the keen ability to stir said shit simply to foment divisive anger, while ignorig the obvious truths if not obfuscating same. Oe must also have a penchant for disliking his or her heritage, while accepting all criticism of same as gospel.
To wit, a leaked Miami Herald memo I just received:

We have some bittersweet news: Metro Columnist Ana Menendez is the recipient of a Fulbright Fellowship – one of the most prestigious awards anywhere, which means Ana will be leaving us for one year to teach American Studies at the American University in Cairo.
Ana – a gifted writer, reporter and terrific ambassador for our newspaper – has long sought an opportunity to spend more time in the Mideast to research her Lebanese roots. The Fulbright will allow her, as she says, a chance to feed her passion for teaching students and researching.
When she returns, Ana will move into a new role as an international correspondent, focusing on Latin America. This means we will be looking for a Metro columnist, among the best, most important and powerful job in journalism.
It goes without saying that we will miss Ana: she has been the voice of the underdog. Her columns have gotten living wages for hundreds of service workers at the University of Miami and Florida International University, documented the hypocrisy of U.S. immigration policy toward Haitians and exposed the hypocrisy of city politicians, even exiles who lobbied for a company doing business with Cuba.
And along the way she has had a lot of fun: she spent time with Millo Ochoa, the last original living of Cuba’s progressive 1940s Constitution, goofed on the Miami Dolphins and Hurricanes football and, most recently, walked from 1 Herald Plaza to a Downtown restaurant for a column – a stunt that many of her readers said merited hazard pay.
Along the way Ana garnered several top national commentary awards: The Headliner, Greeneyeshade, SPJ, NAHJ columnist of the year and more.
Thank you Ana for your time, talent and smile.
Our ideal columnist is a street reporter, a schmoozer, the type of scribe who gets the rich and the poor to share their secrets. The column demands concise writing — you have 18.5 inches … accuracy, credibility and fairness. We want a columnist who holds the powerful accountable, speaks for the voiceless and appreciates the splendor of this amazing place called South Florida.
The candidate can operate in English and Spanish, understands our region, neighborhoods, political and cultural differences and has a proven track record of journalistic success.
If you are interested, see Manny and Anders

Cairo, eh? Do they require Burkhas over there?
And seriously, notice how there’s no mention in the Herald reporter’s job requirement for “truth?” As in, ability to report same?

6 thoughts on “Taking a leak and Fulbright Fellowships”

  1. An America hater teaching American studies in Egypt. Great. Just what we needed. She’ll be sure to convert hundreds of peaceful muslims into Jihadists.
    Who will be the new heir to the throne of Jack Kofoed, the original Cuban-basher?

  2. The herald says of Ana:
    “has long sought an opportunity to spend more time in the Mideast to research her Lebanese roots.”
    Hey, Ana, what about your Cuban roots?! Why don’t you research that first and get facts correct? Cubana resentida!

  3. Is that all it takes to be a Latin America “international correspondent” at the Miami Herald? One year in Cairo on a Fulbright?

  4. C’mon guys…. with a little luck, we may get a “walked from 1 Herald Plaza to a Downtown restaurant” redux ~ Ana may just get tempted to walk from the Egyptian border for a little shopping over in the Gaza strip.
    How do you spell H-a-m-a-s? [And those dudes know a schmoozer when they see one, don’t they?}
    And if we don’t get lucky enough with that, she may walk all the way to Lebanon! That’s right, it’s not THAT far.
    How do you spell H-e-z-b-o-l-l-a-h?
    Bon voyage, et tres good riddance!!!

  5. ¿”YOUR SMILE”? ¡¡¿”YOUR SMILE”?!! Is that acrid grimace a smile?!!
    C’mon, let’s send hundreds of anonymous e-mails to the University of Cairo saying that Ana’s Cuban family is Jewish! That will take care of it…

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