Viernes Happy Hour

Val beat me to it, as I wanted to be the one to post the Friday funny.  Since we are only hearing bad news, and now we have even former presidents asking the current president to be more optimistic, I figured the time was right for some diversion sana.  I got this in my email this morning and I’m still laughing.  If you had any questions about the infamous stimulus we’ll be getting, here are some answers:

Stimulus Payment Info.

“This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic  Stimulus Payment. This is a
Very exciting new program that I will explain  using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic  Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will  send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this  money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is  giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What  is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
Set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to   India .
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and
Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .
If you pay your credit cards off, it will go to bank management bonuses and they will hide if offshore.  Same with stock investment.

Instead, you can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spending it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only American businesses still operating in the US.