Liberal head-explosion alert: ‘It’s true — corporations are people’

One of my all-time favorite CEOs, Jack Welch, and his wife Suzy, have written a classic on WSJ.com: ”It’s True—Corporations Are People.” Enjoy!

Here’s a new party trick. Want to be accused of being a member of a satanic cult? Like to be called the kind of person who would steal candy from a child, or harm a puppy and start a forest fire—all in the same day? Do you want to be described as evil, heartless and stupid?

Then just do this: Offhandedly mention in public that you agree with Mitt Romney—and that, yeah, you think corporations are people.

Oh, how that notion sets some people right off their rockers! Take, for instance, the scene last month when senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren introduced President Obama at a big fundraiser in Boston:

“Mitt Romney tells us, in his own words, he believes corporations are people. No, Mitt, corporations are NOT people,” she pronounced. “People have hearts. They have kids. They get jobs. They get sick. They love and they cry and they dance. They live and they die. Learn the difference.” The audience went wild.

What nonsense.

Of course corporations are people. What else would they be? Buildings don’t hire people. Buildings don’t design cars that run on electricity or discover DNA-based drug therapies that target cancer cells in ways our parents could never imagine.

Buildings don’t show up at a customer’s factory and say, “We won’t leave until we solve your inventory problem.” Buildings don’t encourage their employees to mentor inner-city kids in math and science. Buildings don’t fund homeless shelters in Boston or health clinics in Rwanda. People do.

Corporations are people working together toward a shared goal, just as hospitals, schools, farms, restaurants, ballparks and museums are. Yes, the people who invest in, manage and work for corporations are there to make a profit. And yes, corporations may employ some bureaucrats, jerks, cheapskates and even nefarious criminals.

But most individuals working in corporations are regular people, people just like you and your friends and neighbors. People who want to make a living and want to make a difference. […]

Whenever I had to navigate regulatory language I was always intrigued that the writers made a point of defining what a “person” was for the purpose of the law. A ‘natural’ person was a human being; but a ‘person’ could be both a human being being and an entity such as a corporation. Go figure. I guess the brainless Dems should look into reg writing and put a stop to that evil practice.