Actor who played Che to receive “Lifetime Achievement” award at Castronoid film festival

“Please don’t kill me! These beans will be worth a lot more if I’m not dead!”

In Spain he won a “Goya” award for his portrayal of Che Guevara in Steven Soderbergh’s hagiographical film “Che.”

In France he won the best actor award at the Cannes Film festival for the same role.

Now, a few years later, the Castronoid gnomes at the Ministry of Truth in Havana have decided to shower him with a “Lifetime Achievement” award at their totally bogus film festival.

Never mind the fact that Benicio Del Toro is only 47 years old.   Che died when he was 39, so Benicio’s measly 47 seems like a long lifetime in comparison.

Benicio played the role of  a foul-smelling psychopathic mass murderer but still managed to convince millions that this so-called hero of the so-called Revolution  was a saintly altruist, so… naturally… he deserves accolades from the Ministry of Truth.

Since this faux festival must always outdo itself, it is also honoring Fidel’s best buddy posthumously, the ethically-impaired and now dead Colombian novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Stunts like these make the Havana Film Festival an important arbiter of quality and objectivity in the world of infotainment.

Two questions remain unanswered:

First, does the Goya award come with a lifetime supply of Goya products?

Second, does a Lifetime Achievement award from the Havana Film festival force the winners to live like average Cubans for the rest of  their lives, and –if so– does it entitle them to at least one rustic vessel or raft and one chance to flee the island?

large_Benicio Che Goya

From Express

Benicio Del Toro to be honoured at Havana Film Festival

Puerto Rican actor BENICIO DEL TORO is to be feted for his career achievements at the upcoming Havana Film Festival in Cuba.

The “Traffic” star will receive a lifetime achievement award at the 36th annual edition of the festival next month (Dec14).

Del Toro previously portrayed Cuban revolutionary Che Guevara in the acclaimed 2008 film Che.

Organisers will also honour late Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who was one of the original founders of the festival in 1979. He passed away in April (14), aged 87.

Spoiler alert: This is how the film “Che” ends… The CIA crushes Che with a giant can of Goya black beans….
marquez_castro (1)
Psst, Gabo, te apuesto un Nobel que no puedes adivinar ni cuantos frijoles hay dentro de esta lata….ni a cuantos Cubanos les encantaria quitartela….


5 thoughts on “Actor who played Che to receive “Lifetime Achievement” award at Castronoid film festival”

  1. Another example of yet another of our dear, dear Latrine brothers supporting us in our struggle. Yes, sir, Ernesto Londoño, Bernicio del Todo, Juanes, Garcia-Marquez, Cristina Kirchner, Michelle Bachelet, the entire Latrine Congressional Caucus, etc…

  2. In that movie still, Benicio looks like a nasty poodle. In real life, he looks like what he is: a moronic cretin (and if you’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing him being interviewed, he sounds even worse). Needless to say, he sees NOTHING improper, let alone wrong, in accepting an award from a horrendous totalitarian dictatorship whose idea of artistic freedom from the beginning was explicit coercion and censorship: “With the revolution, everything; against the revolution, nothing.” I hope, for his sake, that he’s as dim as he appears, because otherwise he’s just another hypocritical political-correctness whore.

  3. By the way, this reminds me that I recently ran across an autobiography of Carlos Santana. It’s over 500 pages, which initially made me turn away in disgust, but I decided to look at the index. I was surprised to see no entry for Che Guevara. There was a single entry for Fidel, but it was a passing reference to how Santana had heard that his music was banned in Cuba, at least during his counterculture heyday. I certainly haven’t read the book to be sure, but this suggests that the business with the Che shirt at the Oscars may have been relatively more innocent, or more about ignorance and fashion victimhood, than we imagined. If that is the case, we may have been too hard on him. Yes, the Che get-up was gratuitous and inappropriate at best (Che would have condemned his music as decadent as well), but Che worship is an eminently “Latino” thing, practically a congenital disorder, and Santana is nothing if not “Latino.” Anyhow, I think it’s only fair to relate this, because I’ve certainly dumped on the guy, and maybe he’s not all that bad.

  4. “Gabo” wasn’t ethically impaired. He was ethically null. He looks like a real schmuck in the photo with Fidel. We’re talking PATHETIC, worse than Ed McMahon with Johnny Carson. Why would someone who’d risen so high as a literary figure opt to debase himself by playing submissive and starstruck little sidekick to a horrific despot? And we’re not even talking about the dictator of a major power like the USSR or China, but of a Caribbean island reduced to a third-world shithole. We’re also not talking about an intellectual or a man of culture, but a cheap charlatan habitually prone to histrionic vulgarity. Why, then? Was Gabo really so insecure, so desperate for image insurance, that he latched onto Fidel like a remora fish? Was it a severe case of LCD, or Latrine Cognitive Disorder? Was it latent or sublimated homosexuality? Was it living vicariously through Fidel a role or position he coveted but could never attain himself? Was he just a glorified celebrity groupie? Be that as it may, we’re talking major psychological dysfunction–what a fucked-up, miserable little man this “greatest Colombian of all time” was.

  5. Asombra,

    Please read Reinaldo Arenas theory on why people like “Gabo” and the Argentine Julio Cortazar, to name another one, latched on to castro. Its all in this amazing compilation of his essays called, “Necesidad de Libertad.”

    He writes:

    Una de las características castritsas es que castra sociológicamente a los hombres. El sistema caudillismo cubano solo admite dos tipos de hombre, el macho-macho, encarnado naturalmente or el propio Fidel Castro, quien es el unció que habla, patea sobre la tribuna, truena, ordena y reparte premios o prisiones: el otro ejemplar es el macho-hembra, es decir, el hombre que obedece y admira incondicionalmente al macho-macho.

    La admiración del macho-hembra hacia el ejemplar macho-macho llega a ser tal que termina imitando sus giros verbales, su entonación, su manera de caminar y todos sus gestos. Por ultimo se deja largas patillas y frondosa barba, si es que la naturaleza se lo permite. La adoración del macho-hembra [que nada tiene que ver con el homosexual] al supermacho, adquiere a veces matices tan alarmantes que harían las delicias de un Freud resucitado.

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