Breaking News from the Rumor Desk: Fidel gravely ill due to “embolia” (embolism)

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Ay!  Una embolia? … Dios mio……….te dije que esperaras tres horas antes de meterte en el agua…  condena’o, *&@^**&%$#!…..ahora te vas a quedar todo joroba’o….si es que no te mueres imediatamente….

This piece of news is being reported by Cuban exile blogger Alberto Muller, who claims to have an informer within Fidel Castro’s family circle.

This unnamed source says that in early December Fidel suffered an “embolia’– a cerebral embolism, or stroke — and that his condition and vital signs worsened so much on December 27 that he had to be hooked up to a respirator.

According to this highly placed informer Fidel is still alive, but gravely ill and unable to speak.

Old pre-Castro Cuban culture developed a peculiar myth about “embolias”:  Anyone who dared to have contact with water after eating was believed to be at risk for one of these dreaded “embolias.”   Swimming after eating was considered the deadliest sort of risk.  Taking a bath or shower after eating was also considered very risky, as was getting caught in the rain, or being splashed,  or — ten cuida’o — any sort of sexual activity.  In some families, including mine, reading while eating was also considered perilous (No hagas eso, que se te va toda la sangre al cerebro en vez de al estomago!)

So, if the Maximum Leader has indeed suffered one of these dreaded “embolias,” could it be that someone  simply splashed water on him after lunch, just as Dorothy did on the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz, and that the results were similar?

I’m melting, meeeelting, ..Ooooohhhhh, what a world, what a world…. Who would have thought that someone like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!

Maybe it was holy water?


Alberto Muller claims that his source has always relayed correct information on the Castro household.

So, there you have it.  The Coma Andante is no longer andante, but bed-ridden.  Embolia o Muerte!  Venceremos!  Vamos requetebien!  Viva el Postrado Maximo!

14 thoughts on “Breaking News from the Rumor Desk: Fidel gravely ill due to “embolia” (embolism)”

  1. This would obviously explain why there’s been no sign of Nosferatu after the 12/17 Obama announcement, which can only be due to serious incapacity; we’ll know soon enough. If nothing else, it’s some comfort to know he didn’t get to enjoy the capitulation of the USA to his “revolution.” Muller, btw, says his source claims the monster was still at least artificially alive on 12/27, but he does not say he is known to be alive now. Let’s hope he’ll soon go from coma-andante to coma-muerto, if he hasn’t already.

  2. That photo of the putrefying, crumbling tyrant reminds me of Tosca’s contemptuous phrase after she kills the evil Chief of Police Scarpia, who had controlled Rome with an iron grip: “E avanti a lui tremava tutta Roma!” (And to think all of Rome trembled before him!)

  3. Item one: No soprano has ever delivered that line — E avanti a lui tremava tutta Roma! — quite like Maria Callas did in her second recording of Tosca. Pure disdain with no remorse. Brilliant.

    Item two: I lost a cousin on the third of this month. He was my mom’s second cousin and a year younger than her. The first words I uttered after I hung up the call informing me he had died was, “And fidel is still alive.”

    What a fucked up world this is.

  4. If he had a stroke, even if he is still alive, which is questionable, and even if he survives it, it’s virtually certain he will never be “presentable” again, except perhaps in very carefully controlled and/or manipulated photos–in which he would indubitably still look like shit. It’s not much, but it’s something. And by the way, pure evil deserves at least equally pure disdain.

  5. Well, if the funeral is reasonably soon, it will give Jimmy Carter another chance to “shine” as only he can.

  6. Cardinal Ortega, of course, would be able to commit blasphemy again with a big, flashy Te Deum for the deceased.

  7. I love the green scarf, lo tienen como viejo bobo. We interrupt this broadcast… Fidel Castro died today and now “The Mob” will take over Cuba again. “Frado you broke my heart”. We have Anderson Cooper live in Havana en la Casa de Raul, el pobrecito al fin descanso, ahora si esta con Celia Sanchez, como voy Camilo? Y el Argentino de mierda este que hace aqui??

  8. Hopefully, the S.O.B. is completely incapacitated after this alleged stroke. Since he deserves exquisite suffering, nothing short of locked-in-syndrome [which can happen after a devastating stroke] causing the victim to become completely paralyzed [see Julian Schnabel’s marvelous biopic, “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”] would be enough for that bastard. And even that’s not enough!

  9. Asombra,

    True, nothing would be enough when you take into consideration the monumental amount of suffering that he has caused. From a strictly personal perspective [and this is just a drop in the bucket], my mother has no closure. Her mother died in Cuba and she was not able to see her, all of her aunts and uncles who raised her died and she was not even able to go to their funerals. This has severely affected my mother and compromised her health. Thanks to fidel, my mother will probably not live as long as she would have otherwise. As more me, I was raised away from my family, so I never knew the warmth of an extended family. Multiply this by millions and then on top of that look at the people who have been executed, imprisoned and had their life savings expropriated. I had an uncle who was poor, but he worked all of his life to built a home. As soon as he finished it [which unfortunately was around 1960], the regime confiscated it. And lets not even get into the destruction of Cuba’s natural patrimony. Imagine that, Cuba’s national patrimony survived a devastating war with Spain, but it did not survive castroism. All of this of course is topped off by the smear campaign at his hands. He has stolen our legacy, whatever good we did, and replaced it with lies: the legend of the floating bordello and American colony. And the cherry on top of the ice cream is how he has changed the demographics of the island. We’ve gone from being an essentially European country to a third world hellhole full of cubanoids epitomized by those Aunt Jemima’s with the cigars in their mouths that dot Havana and amuse tourists for dollars.

    I will concede that nothing short of an eternity in Hell would be enough and even that might not be enough.

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