Is another Paris Hilton porno video in the works? (Inquiring minds want to know–but Castro’s secret-police ain’t telling!)

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“It was devastating because that was someone I was with for a few years. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully trust any man again after that.” (Paris Hilton reacting to the release of her famous sex video– now available in home video!–after her attempted blackmailing. (Interview with the Daily Telegraph, July, 2014.)

paris4IOC President Rogge and Cuba's head of armed forces Castro attend inauguration of sports congress in Havana

So this week Paris Hilton is visiting the fiefdom of thoroughly trustworthy men (the Castro brothers!) And cavorting with a fully trustworthy man (Fidel Castro’s son!)

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“You ougtha be in pictures, baby!” Fidelito Castro to an apparently charmed Paris Hilton in Havana last night. (Amigos, if any of ya’ll detect any mistrust in Paris’s eyes, you’re much more perceptive than I am.)

Question: In the world today what’s the most likely place for a celebrity to be secretly filmed expressly for an attempted blackmailing? “HAVANA, BABY!”….. Oh well, at least she’ll be filmed by the absolute best in the business. No more of that cheesy, grainy amateur stuff.

“My job was to bug their hotel rooms,” says high-ranking Cuban intelligence defector Delfin Fernandez. “With both cameras and listening devices. Most people have no idea they are being watched while they are in Cuba. But their personal activities are filmed under orders from Castro himself.”

“When the celebrity visitors arrived at the hotels Nacional, Meliá Habana and Meliá Cohiba,” says Fernandez, “we already had their rooms completely bugged with sophisticated taping equipment, . “But not just the rooms, we’d also follow the visitors around, sometimes we covered them 24 hours a day. They had no idea we were tailing them.”

Famous Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar was a special target for this bugging but nothing of value came of it for Castro. “Everybody already knows I’m a maricon!” Almodovar laughed at Castro’s blackmailers. “So go right ahead! Knock yourselves out!”

“Fidel Castro is a special connoisseur of these tapings and videos.” Fernandez says. “Especially of the really famous. And not even his closest “friends” are safe from this bugging. The best example is his longtime Castro “friend” Nobel prize novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez. In what appeared as a touching act of generosity and friendship, Castro gave his friend “Gabo” his very own (stolen) mansion in Havana “We had remodeled it right before, ” remembers the Intelligence honcho, Fernandez “and we installed more cables for bugging devices than for the normal electrical appliances. We taped EVERYTHING! Fidel doesn’t trust ANYONE.”

Castro’s top intelligence people would gather for the screenings of these tapes almost like Hollywood types for an upcoming movie. “Hummmm, these scenes are more scandalous than anything in any of her movies!” Fernandez recalls a top intelligence officer chortling while watching the nighttime cavortings of a famous Spanish actress. “Now, it really seems to me, companeros,” the Castro intimate chortled as he looked around the room, “that this senora should be making more respectful comments about our regime, right?”

“But famous Americans are the priority objectives of Castro’s intelligence.” says Fernandez. “When word came down that models Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss were coming to Cuba the order was a routine one: 24 hour a day vigilance. Then we got a PRIORITY alert, ” recalls Fernandez, “because there was a rumor that they would be sharing a room with Leonardo Di Caprio. The rumor set off a flurry of activity and we set up the most sophisticated devices we had.”

“The American actor Jack Nicholson was another celebrity who was bugged and taped THROUGHLY during his stay in the hotel Meliá Cohiba,” states Fernandez, the man in charge of the bugging.

Turns out, however, that at least one visiting dignitary foiled Castro’s intelligence. On his visit to Cuba in 1998, Pope John Paul’s assistants discovered and removed several bugging devices from his Holiness’ hotel room.

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“You simply can’t MAKE this sh*t up!”

7 thoughts on “Is another Paris Hilton porno video in the works? (Inquiring minds want to know–but Castro’s secret-police ain’t telling!)”

  1. Paris Hilton is 34 years old, which is a decade beyond retirement age for porn stars. What else can she do?

  2. Tell it to Madonna, who could be Paris’s mother and is still flashing her ass–which by now probably only interests her gay male fans (assuming she has any other kind).

  3. It’s pointless to expect Paris to consider the implications of partying in Havana with the son of a horrific dictator, but it’s not just her; it’s that nobody beyond “those people” has any problem with such behavior. Even she wouldn’t be stupid enough to do this if Castro, Inc. were an unfashionable right-wing tyranny, because even a far more significant figure like Frank Sinatra got raked over the coals for performing in South Africa under apartheid and had to apologize for it. I don’t so much blame Paris and her kind as I do the society that find this sort of shit not only OK but even laudable. Part of it is of course entrenched hypocrisy and willful blindness, but part of it is also bigotry and even malice.

  4. I wonder if the woman behind Paris and Dopey in the last photo is Mariela’s sister Deborah. It doesn’t really matter, but if even she has been drafted to run after a minor foreign “celebrity,” it’s pretty cheap and tawdry. Of course, these people are anything but classy.

  5. She has a far lower profile than Mariela, so it seems odd she’d take part in this kind of flashy BS, and she’s hardly a marketable figure. In other words, she looks out of place, which suggests she did it because she wanted to, presumably due to some personal reason. Strange.

  6. Maybe the order’s gone out that all family members do their bit for the family business, just as in England the various royals appear at various public functions. I know they’ve used Fidelito for this sort of thing before, but I don’t recall Deborah doing it. Maybe she was filling in for Mariela, who may have been out of the country at the time, but she still looks like a very awkward fit. Of course, she hasn’t had Mariela’s vast experience cavorting with drag queens, which is perfect training for dealing with the likes of Hilton and Campbell.

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