King Raul warns Cubans: get used to shortages

Special Period II

From our Bureau of Predictable Outcomes

King Raul is on a roll, predicting lots of doom and gloom, giddily, as his synthetic sock puppet president Trucutu Diaz-Canel performs his mannequin act with robotic precision in Cuba as well as abroad.

First, King Raul vows to cling to his dear colony of Venenozuela, come hell or high water.

Then he warns his subjects: expect no relief from deprivation, and to prepare for all sorts of shortages, with no end in sight.

On the bright side, he lied through is teeth about those shortages, assuring his subjects that Special Period II wouldn’t be as horrible as Special Period I in the early 90’s, which was caused by the collapse of sugar daddy Soviet Union.

Yeah, sure….

Special Period II

Naturally, his dire predictions for the future involve no culpability. The collapse of Venenozuela has nothing to do with it. The sixty-year-old ruinous stranglehold of the Cuban economy by the Castro dynasty has nothing to do with it. The “real” culprit is the mean Trumpinator in Washington D.C..

Yes, as always, the villain responsible for all of Cuba’s woes is the president of the United States.

Suggestion for King Raul: why don’t you just step aside, you old miserable fart-face? Do your country a big favor: if God doesn’t have it in his eternal plan for you to die in the next week or so –give or take a few days — why don’t you just retire in luxury in Spain or some other such place, where you can enjoy all the loot you have stashed away in Swiss banks?

That would be a good first step toward ending all these shortages, you miserable blood-soaked fart-face.

Miserere nobis, Domine, Cubani sumus

King Raul exercising his blame-throwing privileges

From CBC News, the best news source for horror stories about Canadians whose dream holidays in Cuba turn into nightmares:

Communist Party Leader Raul Castro warned Cubans Wednesday they should brace for worsening shortages due to Trump administration policies, but said the island won’t return to the extreme deprivation of the post-Soviet period.

In his first speech to the nation in more than three months, Castro said U.S. pressure on Venezuela and Cuba could lead to serious shortages, increasing sharply in coming months.

It has become hard to find basic goods such as chicken, cooking oil, eggs and flour throughout Cuba this year, due largely to a lack of hard currency to buy imported goods or equipment to process domestic products. State-run newspapers cut their page count last week due to shortages of newsprint, and Castro indicated the government would engage in further cutbacks due to cash shortfalls.

Castro said the government has decided “to focus the development of the economy, and to resist and overcome the new obstacles imposed by the hardening of the economic siege. We need to be aware of growing problems, and the situation could grow worse in the next few months.”

More “impartial” blah, blah, blah HERE

1 thought on “King Raul warns Cubans: get used to shortages”

  1. Because the “revolution” deserves any sacrifice, including a miserable, dystopian, dead-end life. Vamos bien.

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