Putin and Rasputin do Varadero: Cuba’s Russification intensifies

From our Bureau of Alternative Histories From Other Dimensions

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to Cubans. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of every Cuban’s fears and the summit of every Cuban’s knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination, where past and present can merge in unexpected ways. It is a realm within Cuba known as “The Russification Zone”.

On 12 August 2023 in this other dimension, Czar Vladimir Putin appoints his great-grandfather Rasputin as Viceroy of Cuba, and both men go shopping for beachwear in anticipation of their two-hour hypersonic flight to Varadero Beach, where a splendid new Russian embassy has been built next to the Diaz-Canel mausoleum.