Rumors swirl that Cuba’s fake president will attend beatification ceremony for Father Felix Varela in New York

Trucutú and New York’s Cardinal Timothy Dolan

From our Bureau of Breaking Stories Not Reported by Any News Media with some assistance from our Bureau of Shameless Hypocritical Acts Orchestrated by Oligarchs from Latrine American Totalitarian Atheistic Hellholes

Okay, in a court of law this would be classified as “hearsay.” Tres Fotutos has no solid proof he can offer, other than his word. But this event has definitely been announced very quietly in select Catholic circles.

Yesterday, Tres Fotutos was contacted by a journalist from a Catholic publication who revealed to him that they had been assigned to cover a very special event this coming Sunday in New York City.

The event involves Cuba’s fake president Trucutú Diaz-Canel and an entourage of Cuban diplomats and bodyguards.

According to the above-mentioned journalist — who needs to remain anonymous — Trucutú and his entourage will be present at a celebration of the imminent beatification of 19th-century Cuban priest Felix Varela, who is well on is way to being recognized as a saint by the Roman Catholic Church. You can count on many paparazzi to be present, as was the case when King Raul visited Pope Francis at the Vatican.

The anonymous journalist revealed that this event will take place at the Church of the Transfiguration in Lower Manhattan, where Father Varela served as pastor in the nineteenth century. The church is smack dab in the middle of Chinatown, at 25 Mott Street on the northwest corner of Mosco Street, and is staffed by priests from the Maryknoll missionary order. 

This event, which was requested by the Cuban dictatorship through its diplomats in New York, apparently has the seal of approval from the National Conference of Catholic Bishops, as well as Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York City. Chances are that the event could have been orchestrated by Castro, Inc. through Pope Francis and his Vatican staff.

Why is Castro, Inc. so keen on celebrating the canonization of a Catholic saint?

Optics, baby. This is all about optics, just like the photo above. Look, Mildred, that photo proves that Cuba’s dictatorship cares deeply about the Catholic faith. And, dear Mildred, did you know that Father Varela was a communist, just like Cuba’s preeminent national hero José Martí, and all other Cuban national heroes, including native chieftain Hatuey, who was cruelly burned alive in 1512 by Spanish imperialists?

Yes, every eminent Cuban since the sixteenth century has been a communist, Mildred. And every eminent Cuban who favored democracy and a free market economy never really existed. Rumors of their existence are merely rumors, not fact. Isn’t that amazing? Disinformation, nothing more.

And how awful it is, Mildred, that the selfish malcontent Oswaldo Payá – an agent of the CIA who died in a tragic traffic accident orchestrated by the very same CIA — chose to name his pro-democracy anti-totalitarian movement the Varela Project. What an awful misuse of the memory of Father Felix Varela, the patron saint of Liberation Theology and virtuous Christian Communism! This ceremony on Sunday should forever consign the name of Oswaldo Payá to oblivion.

Please, Mildred, don’t believe anyone who says that saint-to-be Father Varela would have denounced Cuba’s current dictatorship as abhorrently inhumane and inherently demonic. Felix Varela was an exemplary communist.

If you live in the Tri-State area of New York City, please join Trucutú and his entourage at the Church of the Transfiguration on Sunday, to add a raucous ambiance of ,Cuban-style shouting to this sacred celebration of the precocious social-justice communist ideology of Father Varela and his imminent promotion to sainthood, which will doubtlessly be confirmed by Papa Che.

All true saints are communists, you know. Jesus was a communist too, as all enlightened folk know . . . and He smiles down with overflowing admiration on Cuba’s benevolent rulers as He constantly embraces Che Guevara and Fidel Castro in heaven.

3 thoughts on “Rumors swirl that Cuba’s fake president will attend beatification ceremony for Father Felix Varela in New York”

  1. If this is true, which would not surprise me, it is perfectly in keeping with the Vatican’s Cuba policy, certainly under the current pope. It is, of course, profoundly objectionable, to put it politely, but it’s an old story.

    That photo with Dolan is frankly obscene, but he can hardly outdo his boss on that score. Disgusting.

  2. Not surprised at all. This is the type of underhanded shenanigans that we are used to or should be used to by now after nearly 65 years of tyranny. Of course, if any exile raises his voice, they will retort that we’re such extremists that we are even against a saint like Father Varela. Little does it matter that Varela was against the Spanish Crown’s injustices, was an exile himself, and if alive today would undoubtedly be against the much more unjust and crueler castro family dynasty. Also, little does it matter that our objection is not to Father Varela whom we venerate and love, but against the regime and against that the church would entertain this transparent bullshit. If after decades of waiting for Varela to be made a saint, the tyranny is able to push the church to finally canonize him, not only would that cheapen his canonization, but it would mean that the church is even worse than we suspected.

  3. It’s one thing for evil atheists to cozy up to religious figures out of opportunism, but it’s quite another thing for religious figures to play along with that as if it were genuine or legitimate. It’s at best disreputable.

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