Remembering Fidel Castro’s ‘Joe Biden moments’

From our Bureau of Epic Moments in the History of Latrine American Dictatorships with some assistance from our Bureau of Parallel Trajectories for Aging Heads of State and our Bureau of Fitting Subjects for More Miami Billboards

Jar-Jar Biden’s freezing fits, gaffes, and pratfalls are nothing new. History is full of rulers who are too old to rule and occasionally slip, slide, and fumble in public, proving to everyone that it is time for them to step aside immediately. Fidel had two such moments before his entrails imploded and he was forced to surrender the throne to his little brother Raul. The first was a fainting fit, or patatú that smote him during one of his interminable rambling speeches in June 2001. The second was a stumble in October 2004 at Che’s mausoleum that resulted in serious injuries.

That billboard in Miami that compared Trump to Fidel was offensive in many ways. And it deserves a proper response. So, here’s a suggestion for Cubans in Miami: How about erecting billboards on every major roadway that remind the voting public of the similarities between the aging Fidel and the mumbling, bumbling, stumbling, farting, and freezing Jar-Jar Biden.

Loosely translated from CiberCuba

Yesterday, Sunday, June 23rd, marked the 23rd anniversary of the fainting incident experienced by the dictator Fidel Castro during a speech he was giving in the Havana municipality of El Cotorro.

“Anyone would say I pretended to be dead to see the kind of funeral they’d give me,” joked the leader of the so-called “Cuban revolution” once he had recovered from the fainting spell or “slight drop” in blood pressure that he was said to have suffered.

As he later recounted, he had spent the entire night preparing his speech, in which he announced a “long and difficult battle” for the release of the five Cubans convicted of espionage in the United States.

“It’s my fault for wanting to gather so much data,” Castro remarked once he was settled in the studios of the Cuban Institute of Radio and Television (ICRT). The talk in El Cotorro had taken a toll on him, but the air conditioning at the ICRT restored his vigor. “I like this place. It’s comfortable and cool,” he said when he appeared on the Round Table show to complete his campaign.

At 75 years old, Castro had taken the stage determined to launch his new media and propaganda campaign for the “five heroes,” which was intended to serve as a new rallying point to breathe life into his already waning regime.

With the help of Hugo Chávez, who had become president of Venezuela in February 1999 and had replaced the oil supply cut off by a surly Vladimir Putin at the turn of the 21st century, Castro dreamed of beginning to recover from the so-called “Special Period” of the 1990s.

After more than two hours of speaking in El Cotorro, Castro began showing signs of distress, mumbling and gripping the podium tightly, appearing to be on the verge of fainting or suffering a drop in blood pressure.

After a few moments of bewilderment among his followers and security personnel, during which they seemed unsure of what to do, his aides and bodyguards rushed to the podium to assist him.

About 15 minutes later, after receiving a magical restorative, Castro returned to the podium with euphoric energy and proclaimed with a smirk, “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

This episode marked a turning point in the history of the communist leader, who from then on lost the mystical aura of an immortal hero that the Party’s propaganda and indoctrination had wrapped him in.

For the first time, the people saw a mortal, aged, weak Castro, asking for “help” in a faint voice.

This image was followed by others where he was seen rambling, with a lost look in his eyes, falling face-first at the podium in Santa Clara (a mythical stumble marking his final decline), and ultimately succumbing to the revolution of his own intestines, which removed him from power.

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