From our Bureau of False Radio Bemba Rumors with some assistance from our Bureau of Long-Lasting Pacts With the Devil
This news story should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever dared to hope that rumors broadcast on Radio Bemba might be true. So, forget that rumor about King Raul’s death broadcast by word of mouth on Radio Fat Lips, the most unreliable source of news from Castrogonia. Its untrustworthiness is topped only by whatever is spewed out by the Ministry of Truth. Ay, Dios mio: The old dinosaur dragged his 93-year-old carcass from the luxurious jewel-bedecked casket in which he sleeps to greet visiting Vietnamese president To Lam in Havana, in person. Shucks!
Damn it. Once again, the rumor was nothing but a lie. But one day soon, the rumor will be prove to be true, for certain. At 93, King Raul is due to shuffle off his mortal coil imminently, as is the fate of all humans. Aaah, but as of today, the world’s oldest living human is 118. So, if he’s lucky enough to match that woman, King Raul could still have at least 25 years left before he goes to meet his brother Fidel in Hell. Damn . . . 25 years! How depressing, especially given the number of Cubans whose lives he has cut short ! Let’s hope Satan invalidates his longevity pact with King Raul someday soon.
Loosely translated from CiberCuba
On Friday, Raúl Castro reappeared alongside Vietnamese President To Lam, amidst rumors about his declining health.
A note published by the Cuban Presidency on X stated that Castro “received the Secretary-General of the Communist Party of Vietnam and President of that sister nation, comrade To Lam, who is on a state visit to Cuba, on Friday morning.”
The day before, it was reported that To Lam had arrived in Havana and met with Cuban leader Miguel Díaz-Canel, but no announcement had been made regarding the usual meeting with Castro, who has been at the center of rumors about his possible health deterioration since last week.
The last time To Lam visited the island two years ago, Castro, as the historic leader of the country, personally received him.
Both politicians, who are Army generals, share a strong bond due to their careers in their respective countries, which have historically maintained good diplomatic relations.
The old bastard looks like a taxidermy specimen. I have a relative who’s a 100 and looks much better.