Carlos Eire

From our Bureau of Toys That Will Annoy Castro, Inc. with some assistance from our Bureau of Toys That Hate Each Other

Castro, Inc. has always hated the outspoken Celia Cruz, which is why she was turned into a “non-person”. Imagine their dismay at the release of this new Barbie doll, now on sale everywhere in the free world.

Imagine also Castro, Inc.’s irritation if Cuban exiles were to suddenly air-drop millions of Celia Cruz Barbie Dolls from one end of the island to the other.

What a marvelous prank that would be.

Meanwhile, in an alternate dimension, the Original Barbie — a diehard liberal — continues her romance with Che Guevara Ken. According to all the tabloids of this parallel universe, the two are inseparable.

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From our Bureau of Mercenaries from Latrine American Totalitarian Hellholes

In the midst of many denials, counter denials, and denials of counter denials concerning the presence of Cuban mercenaries at the Ukrainian front, a report has emerged about a Cuban captured by Ukrainian soldiers.

This is the first such report to surface. Meanwhile, as denials and counter-denials swirl and Castro, Inc. rounds up scapegoats accused of being “human traffickers”, a Cuban diplomat has admitted that Castro, Inc. is NOT opposed to the presence of Cuban mercenaries at the Ukrainian front.

So, admissions of guilt remain elusive and slippery as it becomes ever more difficult for Castro, Inc. and Czar Vlad the Invader’s Ministry of Truth to hide the obvious truth.

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From our Bureau of Socialist Tolerance and Compassion with some assistance from our Bureau of Totally Ignored Valiant Quixotic Gestures

Out of view, Ladies in White keep being harassed, arrested, and prevented from attending church on Sundays. Their arrests have apparently become so routine that they are seldom reported, even by Cuban exile websites.

Yet, Sunday after bloody Sunday, they attempt to leave their homes, only to be arrested and fined. Such remarkable resilience in the face of repression is truly remarkable.

Even more remarkable is the fact that no one seems to be paying attention to these brave women. Honestly, imagine the kind of attention a similar group of harassed black women would attract in the U.S., Canada, and Europe.

Aaaah, but Cuba is special. Super-special. Ain’t it? Just look at the photo above. The repressors who arrest black Ladies in White are always black too. Gotta keep control of the optics. Yes, for sure. Wouldn’t want the world to see white repressors arresting black Cubans.

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From our Bureau of Big Lies That Ain’t So Big After All with some assistance from our Bureau of Interviews One Is Never Likely To Hear On National Public Radio

An unlikely news outlet invited a REAL top expert on Cuba to analyze the disinformation flowing out of the Cuba-Russia-Ukraine triangle, which, as many people on earth don’t realize, swallows up truth at a faster and higher rate than the Bermuda Triangle swallows up aircraft, seagoing vessels, and alien spaceships.

What Chris Simmons had to say probably shocked the hell out of most NPR listeners, leaving them in a cataleptic state.

Yes, Mildred, Russia and Castro, Inc. are both lying, as usual. Yes, Mildred, they always lie. Surprise!

Oh, but don’t count on the leftists at the European Union to admit that they know this. Today, they praised Cuba for arresting the 17 human-trafficking miscreants who were accused of kidnapping young Cubans and forcing them to fight Ukrainians on behalf of Russia, without the knowledge of Cuban or Russian authorities.

“We welcome all the efforts made by Cuba to put an end to these practices,” a spokesperson for the office of Josep Borrell, head of European diplomacy, told Martí Noticias.

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From our Weapons of Mass Distraction Bureau with some assistance from our Bureau of Noteworthy Potemkin Village Stunts in Totalitarian Latrine American Hellholes

Surprise! Schools throughout Cuba have been forced to close down over the past few weeks due to lack of transportation for teachers and students. Without buses, and without gasoline to run the few that are still functioning, many children and teachers are finding it impossible to get to school, especially in rural areas.

In response to this dire situation, Castro, Inc. staged a Potemkin-Village event — well publicized — in which 17 bicycles were given to sixth-grade schoolchildren in one locale in the province of Matanzas. Teachers in this same locale received 25 bicycles. What about children in other grades and other schools? What about teachers everywhere?

Don’t expect Cuban schoolchildren or teachers in other locations to receive bicycles. This event was purely for show. Castro, Inc. can’t afford to give away millions of bicycles. So, as things fall apart, piece by piece, Castro, Inc.’s much-praised “free” indoctrination system begins to sputter and die, along with its much-praised free healthcare.

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Twenty-two years ago today, nearly 3,000 people lost their lives in one of the most horrific terrorist attacks in recorded history. Over the years, it has been discovered that Al Qaeda’s attack on the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center also claimed the lives of at least 7 Cubans, all of them residents of New York and New Jersey.

We remember these victims today, along with all the others who perished on that horrendous day. Lord have mercy.

From Periodico Cubano

Niurka Dávila, 47, was born in Cuba, worked for the Port Authority of New York-New Jersey.

Michael A. Díaz-Piedra III, 49 years old, arrived in the United States from Cuba when he was 8 years old.

Carlos Domínguez, 34 years old, was born in the United States to Cuban parents.

Juan La Fuente, 61 years old, was born in Cienfuegos.

George Merino, 39 years old, was born in the province of Matanzas, left Cuba in 1968.

Marco Motroni, 56, a musician of Italian descent who was part of the famous Novel orchestra, was born in Havana. His family left Cuba in 1956.

Nancy E. Pérez, 36 years old, arrived in New York from Cuba with her parents and sisters in 1970.

For more details, go HERE

From our Bureau of Colossal Nitpicking and Weighty Wet Blankets with some assistance from our Bureau of Highly Offensive Athletic Stunts

Ten years ago, Diana Nyad offended millions of Cubans by swimming across the watery graveyard that has claimed the lives of tens of thousands of unlucky wretches who’ve died while trying to escape from Castrogonia.

If you don’t find her stunt offensive, try thinking of it as a marathon run around the entire length of the Berlin Wall in 1970 or an ultra marathon that would have taken runners through a dozen Nazi concentration camps in 1944.

Fortunately, a decade after completing the 103-mile crossing of the Florida Straits, a major swimming organization has now declared that it can’t accept her swim as being “in conformity” with that association’s rules and procedures.

Unfortunately, this decision has nothing to do with the ethical issues involved in that stunt, but rather with nitpicking over rules and regulations observed by swimming organizations.

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From our Bureau of Major Events in the Practice of Liberation Theology with some assistance from our Bureau of Socialist Equity and Social Justice

Many Jesuits around the world — including Papa Che — admire “liberation theology,” even promote it, despite its origins in the bowels of the KGB and its undeniably Marxist interpretation of Christian theology and ethics.

Three weeks ago, Nicaragua’s Jesuits were given a taste of what liberation theology can lead to. And the lesson those Jesuits learned has left them traumatized.

Live and learn. Awwww. Their property was stolen at gunpoint by Nicaragua’s Marxist government, all in the name of equity and social justice. And they didn’t get the chance to rescue any of their belongings before they were flown out of the country.

Will this make the Jesuits or Papa Che less fond of liberation theology and Marxist notions of “social justice.” Probably not. Lord have mercy.

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From our Bureau of Denials, Counter-Denials, and Denials of Counter-Denials and Counter-Denials of Denials of Counter-Denials with some assistance from our Bureau of Socialist Truth-Obliterating B.S. Tornadoes

Whoa! It’s an F-5 tornado of mendacity, accompanied by killer lightning volts of obfuscation, and bowling-ball-sized hailstones of prevarication.

Try getting to the truth here and you’ll be sucked off the earth by that tornado of mendacity faster than Dorothy can say “Auntie Em!” Next stop, the Marvelous Land of Oz.

Hey, Mildred, I guess we’re not in Kansas anymore. This is a monster B.S. twister guaranteed to obliterate whatever shreds of truth stand in its 6,000-mile path between Moscow and Havana. Hang on to your dentures, Mildred! Quick, grab that Fixodent! And get my Poligrip while you’re at it, dear . . . See you in the storm cellar . . . Aaaaaay . . . .

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From our Bureau of Troublesome Priests with some assistance from our Bureau of Oblique Condemnations

Father Léster Rafael Zayas preached one hell of sermon at Mass yesterday during the celebration of the feast of our Lady of Charity, Cuba’s chief patron saint.

Addressing the Virgin Mary, he repeatedly asked “What have we done wrong?” His question referred to the total lack of hope and the repression that force so many Cubans to flee the island or to serve Russia as mercenaries in exchange for money and Russian citizenship.

His criticism of Castro, Inc. was oblique rather than direct. Instead of blaming the dictatorship directly for the ruin of Cuba — saying “what have THEY done?”– Father Zayas might have avoided swift retaliation from the Ministry of Fear, and at the same time shifted some measure of blame to all Cubans for allowing such a brutal regime to have taken control of Cuba for 64 years, eight months, and eight days.

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