On a typical SoFla morning a little over two months ago, my wife and I awoke with excruciating backaches. The deadly combination of an old mattress, my (almost) fifty years and her almost [disclosure prohibited by Federal Law] years, the culprit. We decided then and there to buy a new bed, maybe a SelectComfort, maybe a TemperPedic, and some new bedroom furniture. But a new bed we needed badly. So we went shopping that weekend and found a great bed at SelectComfort. A little expensive but, we thought, well worth it to ease the vicissitudes of el almanaque.
When we got back from bed shopping, my wife and I started talking about the condition of the bedroom. The other rooms had been painted recently and upgraded with marble window sills; ours was still the unkempt orphan of the house. So we decided that, before making the expense of the bed and the new bedroom furniture, we had to paint the room and upgrade the sills to match the rest of the house. We were able to get that work done in May — two weeks before Cuba Nostalgia — once the weekend schedule of His Imperial Majesty eased up a little. After that little adventure we had a beautifully upgraded bedroom — and still no new bed.
Upon reviewing the newly painted room and marble sills, we decided that the carperting was getting a little long in the tooth. So we discussed new flooring. New carpeting? No f—ing way! I’m sick of how dirty carpets get and how difficult they are to keep clean. Wood? Way too expensive. Pergo? Maybe. Tile? Hmmm. I’ve always liked tile floors. So two weeks ago on Memorial Day weekend we decided to go tile shopping. On our visit to the second of the myriad local tile stores we planned to visit, we found the tile we wanted and ordered tile for the whole house. Every last square inch, including our closets. No more carpets, no more vacuum cleaners, no more liquid carpet cleaners. The installation is starting today and should be done by Thursday. We spent yesterday and Saturday moving most of our stuff into a POD (http://www.pods.com) and removing baseboards with a hammer and screwdriver. To say we are tired would be an understatement. But at least the house is ready for the crew to pull the carpeting and install our beautiful new porcelain tile over the next few days.
Maybe next month, if we have the strength to get out of our old bed, we’ll finally buy a new bed.
Update 11:00AM: It seems that what we thought was a concrete floor turned out to be the house’s original vinyl tiling circa 1950-something. We finally found something older than me in the house. For an additional cost, the gentlemen are jackammering the floor in the living room, dining room, kitchen, and hallway to remove said tile to the bare concrete. I could not be more thrilled. And my bourbon is next door with my neighbor. Life is cruel.
Update 12:15PM: Our esteemed Editor-in-Chief came by with a pizza and saved me from climbing over a table to crack open the refrigerator. Thanks, dude.
Update 1:23PM: The jackhammering has stopped for a while. I’ll be starting the IV drip of valium again in a few moments.