Humor

(H/T the always excellent Zoé Valdés. BTW, check out the interviews with one of my favorite painters Zoé posted on her site here, in Spanish. Fascinating stuff…)

Happy Friday infidels. Today’s lesson in Babalu Psychology 101 is mental disorders. Please open your DSM IV to the following section:

Paranoid Personality Disorder

A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

Suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her.

Is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates.

Is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her.

Reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights.

Perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack.

Has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner.

Does not occur exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia, a Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features, or another Psychotic Disorder and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a general medical condition.

Note: If criteria are met prior to the onset of Schizophrenia, add “Premorbid,” e.g., “Paranoid Personality Disorder (Premorbid).”

Now with the above in mind. The individual with this condition may show signs of obsessive personality disorder as well.

The aforementioned disorder can be demonstrated, for example, where the subject may be watching a movie clip, and from that movie clip, develops psychotic ideas which thereby drive him to act in an abnormal manner. A subject may, for example, watch a movie western, say Blazing Saddles. Rather than viewing the comedic movie for what it is, the subject will become paranoid and will develop a fear that they are being chased by Slim Pickens with a hangman’s noose and will feel as if everyone is a bigot and hates him because of his appearance. The subject will also become delusional and will think that those that watch Blazing Saddles will arm themselves and go out on a random shooting rampage. Studies have shown that this psychotic reaction will be triggered primarily when exposed to western films. These individuals suffer from a lingering fear that someone or some group of people are out to get them thereby causing the subject to obsess with that particular group or individuals. While the subject may express a deep hatred with this particular group of people, which he believes are all co-conspirators with Slim Pickens, the subject still feels a strong desire to talk about this group every single day and blames all of his ills such as constipation, ulcers, hair loss, erectile dysfunction, and gas on his perceived enemies.

So your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to describe the symptomatic behavior of a subject with Paranoid Personality Disorder when exposed to clips from the Magnificent 7 which is appended hereto.

Enjoy your weekend. Class Dismissed.

NEXT WEEK’S LESSON – The effects of “Bill & Ted” & Foghorn Leghorn on the mentally deranged.
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DISCLAIMER FOR THE MENTALLY UNSTABLE: The above condition is real. The rest is a joke. I made it up. This post is no way intended to advocate or make anyone commit acts of violence, have sex with collies, watch Rosie O’Donnell, or listen to the Village People. If you do experience some type of paranoid or psychotic behavior or hatred as a result of reading this post, please contact Dr. Phil immediately at www.drphil.com or drive yourself to the nearest liquor store or medical marijuana distributor (in California only).