St. Peter came to the Lord and said, “I have to talk to you. We have some Cubans up here who are causing problems. My flute is missing, mojo sauce is all over the place, they are making guayaberas from their robes, they have domino tables in the cafeteria, and they’re wearing baseball caps instead of their halos. They refuse to stop making Cuban coffee on the heaven’s stairs, and some of them are walking around with just one wing.”
The Lord said, “Cubans are Cubans, Peter. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the devil.”
The devil answered the phone, “Hello? damn, hold on a minute.” The devil returned to the phone, “OK, I’m back. What can I do for you?” Peter replied, “I just want to know what kind of problems you’re having down there?” The devil said, “Hold on again. I need to check on something.”
After about five minutes the devil returned to the phone and said, “I’m back. Now what was the question?” Peter said, “What kind of problems are you having down there?” The devil said, “Man, I don’t believe this. Hold on.” This time the devil was gone 15 minutes.
The devil returned and said, “I’m sorry Peter, I can’t talk right now. Those damn Cubans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning.”
* * *
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?” The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?” The rabbi replied, “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain
celibate?” The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?
The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes, when he said, “Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “what the hell is this, some kind of joke?”
Joke #1:
A priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench outside the studio after taping the Ecumenical Hour. A twelve year old boy passes by.
“Let’s fuck him,” says the priest.
“Out of what?” asks the rabbbi.
Joke #2:
A priest, a rabbi and a lawywer are shipmates on a cruise. The ship starts to go down.
Says the rabbi: “Quick–we have to save the kids.”
Says the lawyer: “Fuck the kids.”
Asks the priest: “Is there time?”
I’ve seen Dave’s but David72’s are new to me. I approve.
I once walked into a room where someone was telling a miserly Jew joke and quickly re-calibrated the joke to a stingy Scotsman. Mid-joke, the teller looked at me for approval for his newfound “sensitivity” and I interrupted, asking “That’s two strikes, want to try for three?”. Not that many people who can claim Scots and Jewish ancestry, but I’m one.
I look forward to bringing a batch of kosher haggis to ManCamp someday.